I started to read this last night and had to quit. It was just too sad. Molly, I of course, know what happened. But, to read it in your words and to feel what you felt, it is just overwhelming. I often relive the horror that my own family went through that evening. I cannot even comprehend how it was for you. Nikki and Amanda were "soul sisters" and a day does not go by that Nikki does not miss her. Amanda and Jazmine were loved so much and we think of them every day. They are missed. Love and prayers to you and the boys.
Margie, Thank you. I would love for anyone to share their experiences from that time, if it is not too painful. As I remember you were at school when you heard. Right?
I was just getting home from somewhere - not sure where - had been out running errands or something that afternoon.
Jim was sleeping. Shelby was 5, Annie was 3. Allison was at her mom's house.
Phone rang & it was Donna. She told me that Amanda had been in a car accident & it was bad. I asked what hospital she was at, so we could go visit.
:-( Donna let me know that she & Jaz had passed away. I could tell that it was so hard for her to say it out loud. She told me that she & Miranda were on their way out to Molly's house. Then, I let her go.
And I sat alone, not wanting to wake Jim who had to work that night & had been up with the kids all day. Not knowing how to explain it to the kids. They'd experienced funerals & death before, but always for elderly people - never for people in their own generation (or close to it).
I got them dinner. I cried. At some point, I explained it to the kids, who I don't think fully understood, of course. I posted on the message board that I went to at the time & got some comfort there.
Finally, I woke Jim for work & let him know. He didn't want to leave me to go to work, but I couldn't see any point in his staying home.
I kept the kids close all night as we slept.
I just can't imagine how it feels for you, Molly, Farrell, Stephen, Emo... How it felt for you then - how it feels for you now. I can't think about it. Whenever I try to go there, something inside of me stops & won't let me see or imagine any further. Or, maybe it's just not possible until it happens.
I still remember her in little things throughout my own home & life. I remember the first night that Al slept in our house, we made sure that Amanda slept over, too, to keep her company up in her new bedroom.
I can still see her, 5 or 6 yrs old, walking from my Geneva apartment around the corner to your Geneva rental, when she would come to visit me.
I can hear her laugh, see her smile.
I feel the empty wondering of what she might have been doing in her life, today - when I see my other beautiful, wonderful nieces starting their own families, their own lives.
And, oh, that baby girl. I'll bet she would have loved school. I'll bet that her mom would have been in there reading to the class, helping out the teacher, planning the classroom parties, bringing youthful joy to the PTO.
That is a night that I will never forget, yet one that I hate to remember. Yes, I was in class when it happened. When I left at 9 PM, I checked my phone and saw numerous missed calls and messages from my sisters. I knew right then that something terrible had happened. My immediate thought was to get home to my children as quickly as possible. Nikki (20), Gabby (17), and Jesse (11), along with Nikki's 8 mo. old daughter Madison were home by themselves. I started driving, and then called Colleen. She told me that she had some really bad news. I told her that I was driving and that maybe I should pull over first. As I was looking for a safe spot to pull over, I knew that someone had died and my mind was racing, thinking about who it could be. I parked, and told Colleen to go ahead. She said that Amanda had been in a very bad accident, and that she had died. While I was still reeling from this, she told me that Jazmine was with her and that she had also died. I was devastated. And, immediately I had the urgency to get home to my children. I asked Colleen if anyone had called and told them. She said that no one had. They all felt that this was something that I had to tell the children by myself and in person with them. I drove home as fast as I could. But, before I could get there, Nikki called me, sobbing and asking me if it was true about Amanda. An older relative had called the house and Gabby answered the phone. She was saying to Gabby that it was so sad about Amanda. Gabby asked her what she was talking about, and this person told her that Amanda had died. Gabby hung up the phone in horror. All 3 children and the baby clung to each other, while I raced home. My heart was breaking for Molly and her kids, for Amanda and Jazmine, and for my poor children - all alone in their grief with no one there to comfort them. When I got home, I ran in and we all just sat and hugged. And cried. And talked. It was all just so impossible to comprehend. I then had to get on the phone and call all of my child care families to tell them that I would not be available the next day. It was so hard, repeating the story over and over again. That evening, and for many after that, we did not sleep. Throughout the night, I would have one or more of the children in my bed, seeking hugs and comfort. I ended up dropping my class. Just the thought of driving that route where I heard that horrible news was impossible.
Nikki and Amanda were "soul sisters." They grew up together. They spent so many weekends sleeping over at each other's houses. And, of course, all of those family gatherings. Then, they got pregnant at the same time. They had each other to share their feelings and their pregnancy stories. They were support for each other. Nikki's baby, Madison, was born 2 months after Jazmine. To this day, when Madison reaches a milestone, or does something funny or impressive, I always think of Jazmine. Madi, to me, is a constant reminder of what Jazzy would have been. I wonder if they would have been friends like their moms were. I wonder if Jazzy would have liked the same things. Nikki and Amanda were supposed to raise their kids together, to be there for each other, to share stories of their kids. When I think of this, it makes me so sad, and angry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Losing Amanda and Jazmine has left a big hole in all of our lives. We miss them every day.
I haven't been able to post any comments or read this forum entirely because it is just too sad to me. I lost my cousin and her daughter in such a tragedy that could have been prevented. I sit here with tears streaming down my face and shaking hands as I recall that terrible evening. We are a family who sticks together and will always be here for one another - and this case is no different. My mind blocks itself when thinking of that evening. I felt like I was right beside Molly as I talked to her through the entire thing - her voice, her shear screams, crying are still all too real to me as she learned that her daughter and granddaugther were in the crash and that Amanada had died...My heart still can't comprehend that they are gone...the grief creeps up on me often and with that sadness comes anger toward the current situation...I believe deeply in the power of our family and the love we have for one another. We are united and able to move through this together...
Thank you for sharing your memories, ideas, thoughts and experiences. Comments are moderated. Your comment will appear on the blog as soon as we can review it. Your support and interest in our case are truly appreciated.
I started to read this last night and had to quit. It was just too sad. Molly, I of course, know what happened. But, to read it in your words and to feel what you felt, it is just overwhelming. I often relive the horror that my own family went through that evening. I cannot even comprehend how it was for you. Nikki and Amanda were "soul sisters" and a day does not go by that Nikki does not miss her. Amanda and Jazmine were loved so much and we think of them every day. They are missed. Love and prayers to you and the boys.
ReplyDeleteMargie, Thank you. I would love for anyone to share their experiences from that time, if it is not too painful. As I remember you were at school when you heard. Right?
ReplyDeleteI was just getting home from somewhere - not sure where - had been out running errands or something that afternoon.
ReplyDeleteJim was sleeping. Shelby was 5, Annie was 3. Allison was at her mom's house.
Phone rang & it was Donna. She told me that Amanda had been in a car accident & it was bad. I asked what hospital she was at, so we could go visit.
:-( Donna let me know that she & Jaz had passed away. I could tell that it was so hard for her to say it out loud. She told me that she & Miranda were on their way out to Molly's house. Then, I let her go.
And I sat alone, not wanting to wake Jim who had to work that night & had been up with the kids all day. Not knowing how to explain it to the kids. They'd experienced funerals & death before, but always for elderly people - never for people in their own generation (or close to it).
I got them dinner. I cried. At some point, I explained it to the kids, who I don't think fully understood, of course. I posted on the message board that I went to at the time & got some comfort there.
Finally, I woke Jim for work & let him know. He didn't want to leave me to go to work, but I couldn't see any point in his staying home.
I kept the kids close all night as we slept.
I just can't imagine how it feels for you, Molly, Farrell, Stephen, Emo... How it felt for you then - how it feels for you now. I can't think about it. Whenever I try to go there, something inside of me stops & won't let me see or imagine any further. Or, maybe it's just not possible until it happens.
I still remember her in little things throughout my own home & life. I remember the first night that Al slept in our house, we made sure that Amanda slept over, too, to keep her company up in her new bedroom.
I can still see her, 5 or 6 yrs old, walking from my Geneva apartment around the corner to your Geneva rental, when she would come to visit me.
I can hear her laugh, see her smile.
I feel the empty wondering of what she might have been doing in her life, today - when I see my other beautiful, wonderful nieces starting their own families, their own lives.
And, oh, that baby girl. I'll bet she would have loved school. I'll bet that her mom would have been in there reading to the class, helping out the teacher, planning the classroom parties, bringing youthful joy to the PTO.
Love you
That is a night that I will never forget, yet one that I hate to remember. Yes, I was in class when it happened. When I left at 9 PM, I checked my phone and saw numerous missed calls and messages from my sisters. I knew right then that something terrible had happened. My immediate thought was to get home to my children as quickly as possible. Nikki (20), Gabby (17), and Jesse (11), along with Nikki's 8 mo. old daughter Madison were home by themselves. I started driving, and then called Colleen. She told me that she had some really bad news. I told her that I was driving and that maybe I should pull over first. As I was looking for a safe spot to pull over, I knew that someone had died and my mind was racing, thinking about who it could be. I parked, and told Colleen to go ahead. She said that Amanda had been in a very bad accident, and that she had died. While I was still reeling from this, she told me that Jazmine was with her and that she had also died. I was devastated. And, immediately I had the urgency to get home to my children. I asked Colleen if anyone had called and told them. She said that no one had. They all felt that this was something that I had to tell the children by myself and in person with them. I drove home as fast as I could. But, before I could get there, Nikki called me, sobbing and asking me if it was true about Amanda. An older relative had called the house and Gabby answered the phone. She was saying to Gabby that it was so sad about Amanda. Gabby asked her what she was talking about, and this person told her that Amanda had died. Gabby hung up the phone in horror. All 3 children and the baby clung to each other, while I raced home. My heart was breaking for Molly and her kids, for Amanda and Jazmine, and for my poor children - all alone in their grief with no one there to comfort them. When I got home, I ran in and we all just sat and hugged. And cried. And talked. It was all just so impossible to comprehend. I then had to get on the phone and call all of my child care families to tell them that I would not be available the next day. It was so hard, repeating the story over and over again. That evening, and for many after that, we did not sleep. Throughout the night, I would have one or more of the children in my bed, seeking hugs and comfort. I ended up dropping my class. Just the thought of driving that route where I heard that horrible news was impossible.
ReplyDeleteNikki and Amanda were "soul sisters." They grew up together. They spent so many weekends sleeping over at each other's houses. And, of course, all of those family gatherings. Then, they got pregnant at the same time. They had each other to share their feelings and their pregnancy stories. They were support for each other. Nikki's baby, Madison, was born 2 months after Jazmine. To this day, when Madison reaches a milestone, or does something funny or impressive, I always think of Jazmine. Madi, to me, is a constant reminder of what Jazzy would have been. I wonder if they would have been friends like their moms were. I wonder if Jazzy would have liked the same things. Nikki and Amanda were supposed to raise their kids together, to be there for each other, to share stories of their kids. When I think of this, it makes me so sad, and angry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Losing Amanda and Jazmine has left a big hole in all of our lives. We miss them every day.
I haven't been able to post any comments or read this forum entirely because it is just too sad to me. I lost my cousin and her daughter in such a tragedy that could have been prevented. I sit here with tears streaming down my face and shaking hands as I recall that terrible evening. We are a family who sticks together and will always be here for one another - and this case is no different. My mind blocks itself when thinking of that evening. I felt like I was right beside Molly as I talked to her through the entire thing - her voice, her shear screams, crying are still all too real to me as she learned that her daughter and granddaugther were in the crash and that Amanada had died...My heart still can't comprehend that they are gone...the grief creeps up on me often and with that sadness comes anger toward the current situation...I believe deeply in the power of our family and the love we have for one another. We are united and able to move through this together...
ReplyDelete